Dear Bloggers,
The Holidays are a time for family and friends to get together and celebrate in the spirit of giving. It is one of my favourite times of the year, and it is especially exciting this year because I have arrived back to my parent's house for a month after a semester away at university in another province.
We all want to say that the holidays are always joyful and fulfilling, but if we're being honest, the holidays can be filled with stress and disappointment, especially if you've lost a loved one.
My sister and I were always so excited to wake up early and run to the living room to see what Santa brought us each year. We'd get up at 6am (although we'd be lying awake for hours) and jump on our parents. Unfortunately, growing up comes with disappearance of tradition, and now Christmas is more of a forced get together with my parents under the tree, as they watch me open the ridiculously expensive material items. Don't get me wrong, when my Mom asked me for a wish list I had plenty to write, but as each Christmas passes since the day that my sister died, these items become more and more unappealing. Although they are things that I've always wanted, the only true thing that I want for Christmas is for that excitement to come back inside me.
The truth is, I would trade it every Christmas in my life; all the presents, the food, and the songs, just for one more Christmas with my sister and my parents all together, all happy and laughing. It is so sad that we've lost the potential for these moments, but at least the memories are saved in my heart.
Although this is a pretty sad and disappointing post, I am a natural optimist and I do hope that one day I will feel that way again. Maybe it will be whenever I have kids of my own, and I see it in them as they wake each other up and run into wake me.
The moral of this post is that nothing will ever be the same as it was 5 years ago, 2 months ago, or even one hour ago. As humans we are continually changing and growing, learning things based on what we decide to do. Our lives are all up to what we decide to do with them, whether it be ignoring opportunities and living in a bubble, or whether it be taking in everything and taking risks. I have decided to try to find a balance in my life, sticking to my morals but making sure that I don't just sit and watch my life fly by. I hope that you will all do the same.
To all of you twinless twins out there, I hope that you can find peace this holiday season with your friends and family. No matter what happens, I am an advocate of the fact that our twins are in fact still with us everyday, even if they are not physically beside us. Trust in that.
To everyone else out there, the losses that you have experienced are similar to our's, and I hope that you can as well find peace throughout the holidays. Give back, and you will receive in return.
Merry Christmas to you all, may your holidays be filled with joy, meaning, and of course, love <3
Alicia
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